I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
