Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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