Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
