My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
