community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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