Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
