I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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