I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
