i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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