I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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