i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
