Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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