why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
