I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
