All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
worst night to have a conscience
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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