is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize