I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
