I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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