ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
