i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I can text with my tongue
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
