Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
birth control should be required to get into college
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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