Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
