the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
