i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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