my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
