if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So apparently I’m into choking now
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
