Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
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