It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Sorry about my life...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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