my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize