im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
