i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
