There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
