So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
