I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
