As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Drunk is a universal language darling
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