Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
