I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
