i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
