I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize