Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize