call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
