so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
