I got chris browned last night
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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