yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
