He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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