Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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