He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
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