she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You need a sexual gate keeper
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
