but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
