I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
