It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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