We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I can't turn off my feet"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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