this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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