I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize