when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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