Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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