lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Green mimosas i think yes
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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