Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
