Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Randomize
