I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
