And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
