The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
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