just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
