Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
