did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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