He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just threw up on my dentist
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
