Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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