Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
