Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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