My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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