there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
